Shows: American Idol, ANTM, The Surreal Life, The Real World, Lost, Grey’s Anatomy, Dancing with the Stars, The OC, Cheerleader Nation, etc. Specials: Who’s Bowling Right Now?; Random Questions; Stink Pinks; Baby Jessica Updates

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

TARA REID COMES CLEAN


Finally, and in a desperate attempt for media coverage, Tara Reid has come CLEAN about her sick plastic surgery. I mean her saggy ass tits and flabby stomach have been well documented (See Exibits A and B) and finally, Reid has undergone reconstructive surgery and sold her soul ... I mean story ... to US Weekly.

EXIHBIT A

No wonder Carson Daly dumped her ass - he thought she was sickening ... Please enjoy this excerpt from her interview:

"Guys I was dating would be like, ‘What’s wrong with them? They look really bad. You know, you should really get them fixed.’ So embarrassing. I mean, you
definitely need to turn off the lights, that’s for sure.”

EXHIBIT B (for boobie)

Wow, I just looked at that boob again - ew.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

TORI SPELLING IS PREGGERS

This hot little mess is PREGGERS - Finally!

Can you imagine what kind of a pig-looking baby this thing is going to pop out? It's going to be a sick - love it. Maybe this will finally mend the riff between Tori and old Candy. Actually, I'm hoping that she names the little runt, Aaron, and sends her mom off the fucking wall.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

SCREECH LIKES ANAL

Screech is DIRTY

It's official, TMZ broke the news yesterday: our favorite loser geek with a jewfro, Screech (aka Dustin Diamond) likes to do girls up the butt ... and wipe his dick on their faces. Yes, Screech LOVES doing the "Dirty Sanchez" - Queen of the sick sexual manuever royal family.

Usually I would salute such a fiasco. However, I feel betrayed by this. My heart really went out to Screechie and his sad sack wife who had the ectopic preganancy which then cost them an arm and a leg (not to mention a dead baby) and then forced Screech to be reduced to selling ugly T-shirts to save his house in Wisconsin. Now I see that Old Screechamadoo was really fucking biddies in the butt and giving them the ol'Dirty Sanchez... ON VIDEO NO LESS.
I guess I should be thankful he didn't "Best Western" them - now that is the WORST.

Not only this but I've just discovered (testified by the below picture) that Screech likes to give the ladies the old "Shocker" as well. So, kids, love him or hate him but one thing is for certain: Screech cannot keep his digits nor his penis out of BUTT.


Your anus is not safe from Screech.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

RETURN OF "THE COREYS"


Oh yeah... that's right, A&E, a relatively tame network (except for that Dog the Bounty Hunter crap) has ordered 8 episodes of a show featuring COREY FELDMAN and COREY HAIM .... AMAZING!

But I'm a bit disappointed this is not a straight up reality show - although these two are now "clean and sober" so watching them go to AA meetings would get old ... They'll be playing "fictionalized versions" of themselves, but real question here is will Corey Feldman still be gigantically fat? And if so, will he eat Corey Feldman?

"I'm Hungry"

Thursday, August 24, 2006

DANCING WITH THE STARS PREVIEW

The irrepressible Tom Bergeron will kick off the third season of "Dancing with the Stars" on September 12th - Amazing - Not only is that old retarded hag, SAMANTHA HARRIS, still on the show (can you believe it? after ALL her fuck ups last year) ... but they somehow resurrected DADDY WARBUCKS to appear. Just when you thought you've seen it all...


WHOA! I'm bald.

Hey, wait a second, that isn't DADDY WARBUCKS, it's JOEY (Joseph) Lawerence. WHAT THE FUCK - I have no idea why Joey would do this to himself, except that MAYBE and I pray that he is just going bald and shaved it all off, cause any other reason will not be accepted (nope, not even chemo - you know you were thinking it, just admit it). Oh and get this, he is calling himself "JOE" now. Why don't you and DEBORAH Gibson kill each other so I won't have to deal with this crap.

A host of other idiots join cue-ball-top to dance this fall, like Tucker Carlson (what? that is pathetic), Monique Coleman (who? I have no idea), Sara Evans (again, no clue), Willa Ford (female Drew Lachey), Vivica A. Fox (ew- she lost all my respect when she showed up naked with 50 Cent on MTV), Mario Lopez (this is just sad. I mean we expect this from SCREECH, but not from you), Shanna Moakler (most notably known for being a whore) and the only one who is going to actually be good, Harry Hamlin (the male Lisa Rinna and the younger George Hamilton all rolled into one.).

Thank goodness for Harry Hamlin and the entire Rinna-Hamlin clan. I expect to see all you Rinna-Hamlin kids on reality shows when you grow up. That or meth. Choose wisely.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

BREAKING UP WITH SHANNEN DOHERTY


I watched the preview of this pigfuck last night and was both horrified and delighted. Basically the premise is that a guy or girl solicits Shannen’s help in breaking up with their partner for the reason that they are scared to do it themselves. This last part is code for either “wants to be on tv” or “wants to meet Shannen Doherty” (and with good reason).

The most interesting thing about the show is not the cheaply produced segments with Ikea-laden sets but rather the lengths they go to set up the potential heartbroken person. Yes, that is right. Shannen doesn’t just meet up with these creatures at the nearest coffee shop, they actually SET THEM UP. They plot and they scheme and they put these people in stupid situations and then Shannen comes with her black hair and even blacker heart.


There were two couples featured in last night’s ep. The first was a woman either in her 20s or 50s, I couldn’t decide. She is dating an annoying idiot who proves to be a huge pig. For this couple, the woman “tricks” her boyfriend into going with her to, and please bear with me, an empty dining hall with a psychologist chef who is supposed to cook for and analyze their relationship. Confusing enough? Not enough for Shannen. The chef, who is a paid “actor”, also pretends not to speak English so he has to have a translator, another “actor.” Makes as much sense as LiLo taking gun lessons to go to Iraq. At this point, the boyfriend should have broken up with the lady for suggesting such a fucking dumbass idea. I also start wondering if I’m actually watching HiJinx for Kids on Nickelodeon and Susan Sarandon is going to come alive from her wax statue to scare kids and then the mothers will laugh and hug and kiss their ugly progeny in an uproar of idiocy.

"A lot of the torture's psychological." - RE: pranking her kids


The best part of this whole charade is that Shannen is sitting backstage watching a $59 dollar TV of all that is going on. She proceeds to mutter inaudible things under her breath – no doubt insults at the pig-head man. The only audible thing she says is “I can’t wait to break up with you.” She looks ravenous - its awesome.

The girlfriend suddenly feels sick and leaves the room. Out comes none other than the diva-bitch herself carrying dessert. She quickly sidles up to her prey. The boyfriend sort of recognizes her. Shannen introduces herself and he proceeds to hit on her, further inciting her thirst for man-blood. He says “You are sexier in person than on TV” – Shannen produces a small giggle but still wants to eat his testicles. Then she says, “I’m here to break up with you because blah blah is too scared to do it herself – so you can either hear it from me or you can watch it on the TV.” He ignores the question and says, “That’s fine. You and I have more chemistry than she and I do.” Shannen ain’t having it: “No we don’t” she flat-lines. Then the kicker, the boyfriend asks Shannen, “Are you ovulating?” My mind went into a temporary coma and I was only resuscitated when the next segment began.

The next couple is a younger couple - I’m guessing late teens or early twenties. This time the boyfriend needs to break up with the girlfriend because she is too controlling. He seems like a sweet guy but undoubtedly into Shannen. This set up is even more retarded than the last. The boyfriend convinces the girlfriend to take a temp job as a phone-relationship-therapist. Right… but it is actually quite genius. She is sitting there giving people relationship advice and then Shannen calls basically regurgitating what the boyfriend told her about his girlfriend: “Yes, I want to talk about my relationship. My boyfriend is really controlling, he doesn’t let me go out with my friends…” The girlfriend tries to give advice, Shannen asks via phone if she can talk to her in person. The girlfriend says that that is probably not a good idea but, SHIT, Shannon is already in the room on the phone! What is going on here?

Shannen befriends the girl long enough to explain why she is there and to ask: “Your boyfriend is breaking up with you, do you want to hear it from me or watch him on the television?” This line, in its simplicity and clarity, rivals only “Deal or No Deal?” The girlfriend watches the tape, cries buckets and Shannen is actually quite good at calming her and even makes her laugh a few times. Then, Shannen’s true colors come out – she starts saying how she had done this controlling shit with her ex-husband. Then she says that we’re all a little crazy (meaning women) and we have to fight the impulse.

Just close your eyes and keep them closed

until I'm done killing you.


This is when I started to realize why Shannen and this show are a perfect combination: Shannen hates guys. It is that simple. She’ll be a huge raging bitch to the broken-up guys who really probably won’t give a shit to begin with and then she’ll be a perfect confidante for the weeping, broken down girls. Ah, genius. I salute you Shannen and cannot wait to see more.

Here’s hoping one break up is on a boat and ends with you getting stabbed… by the way, thank you for that Joey Greco.


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

FLIP'S QUIPS

We are trolls. Live with it.

WHO: Undergraduate Students (implies "educated")

WHAT: The Troll Club Student Group (keep reading but don't expect it to make sense)

WHERE: Washington University, St. Louis (never, under any circumstances, go there - think about it, if this is what the educated youth of St. Louis are doing, imagine what the freaks are up to)

HOW: How did Washington University approve and ostensibly fund an organization called The Troll Club? Before you even attempt to answer that, ask yourself how they then funded The Troll 2 Club...


 
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